Hat and Scarf

The more observant of you might have noticed the lack of updates of late. By “of late” I mean in months, which in Internet terms is fucking forever. For the less observant of you, let’s pretend that it’s still summer 2012, we were still waiting for Dark Knight Rises to come out, and 1 billion less people had heard of Gangnam Style.

Those were the good days.

I’ve been questioned, told and nagged to get writing again instead of rotting my brain on the likes of 9gag and YouTube, by all of about two people. We’re on the Internet afterall, nobody seriously gave that much of a shit besides me that I’d stopped writing.

But I’m gonna tell you why anyway.

Yes, laziness has a lot to do with it, but that wouldn’t have explained the 8,000+ words I’ve written in the last few months, and the zero word count on the blog. I guess I just needed a break. When I started the blog, I had clear visions of what I wanted to get out of it, I had an idea of what the “finished” product would look like, and I guess I was 50% way there.

But I just needed the break. I wrote the same amount of shit that nobody saw, but to publish it meant actually reviewing what I’ve written, editing it, semi-polishing it, and make some sort of coherent sense out of it. I guess I was just mentally exhausted after a pretty tough year outside of the cyber space, and I just let myself drone.

Things went a bit shit in life, then it got better for a few weeks, then it reverted back to shit. So I shut myself out from majority of the world in December, and spent the first few weeks of January forcing myself to do this “socialising” malarky.

I think I might have lost a couple of friends along the way, I may lose a few more in the coming months. Seems my life carries more drama than I realised.

So why am I telling you all this Internet, you unforgivable arsehole that remembers everything down to the most minute detail? I don’t know, maybe it’s a cry for help. Or maybe fuck you.

So anyway. I’m currently working on a couple of projects, so chance of blogging is… low. But I may. See, one of the project is this dumb idea of a webcomic I thought about doing since 2007, and with projects like these come rants, updates and plead for page views. In other words, watch this space.

Meanwhile if you wanna read something I wrote recently on the Internet, or if you’re looking for a place to live come May, click this.


Leave a comment

Posted by on 29th January 2013 in Non-Climbing


Monkey on Hiatus

Monkey self Portrait

The resemblance is uncanning.

Regular readers (ha! Like I have any) might have noticed the lack of updates lately. The existence of this very post should reassure you that the worst thing imaginable hasn’t happened – I was not attacked by a bear during one of my climbing trips, with my victory over the bear resulting in my arrest for harming an endangered species.

I just haven’t had much time to write lately, which contradicts the fact that I HAVE found time to write now – which is a direct result of me taking a break from climbing until October, which in turn leaves me little to write about climbing wise… Oh the conundrum!

This six week hiatus was induced partially by my recent laser eye surgery which no, doesn’t not give me Cyclops like abilities; partially by my lack of funds from moving house. The upshot is, I now live with two fellow climbers, and live slightly closer to my two favourite climbing centres (Redpoint and Boulder Central).

So in my time off during September, I’m planning on a bit more writing, and perhaps even pick up the pencil to start drawing again – which will change the style of the blog slightly (no more arbitrary random images!). I have to admit to this being a blatant rip off of the wonderful Books of Adam. My justification is that his marvellous writing and artwork has re-inspired me to pick up the pencil again – which is hopefully what most artists see as the greatest compliment.

So I didn’t write here to tell you how this is going to end. I wrote here to tell you how it’s going to begin.

Monkey flies off Neo style

Leave a comment

Posted by on 9th September 2012 in Non-Climbing, Progress


Tags: , ,

The problem of looking Chinese part 1 – Nei Hou Ma

Sure! I was just about to chop some... vegetables.

Sure! I was just about to chop some… vegetables… for the stir-fry!

Now this may come as a shock to you, but I look very Chinese.

I’m not quite sure if it’s my squinty eyes, my stumpy nose, or my beautiful silky black hair… but I could really pass for a Chinese if I put on the accent.

Now being Chinese certainly has its perks: I’ve not been mugged once in my lifetime; kids mistake me for Jackie Chan no less than thrice; and my hairline shows no sign of receding.

But being Chinese also comes with its annoyances…

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Posted by on 7th June 2012 in Non-Climbing


Tags: ,

Monkey Paces himself

How bloggers climb, pen behind one ear.

How bloggers climb, pen behind one ear.

My favourite words in the English dictionary are probably “concur”, “lark” and “frolicking”.

Unfortunately I rarely get to use them in conversations, because – I disagree with your opinions; I have no time for larking about; and I’m too grumpy to frolic.

So instead, if you look at Monkey’s Top Ten Most Frequently Uttered Words – you will find words like “pace” and “yourself” near the top, and I blame little big Kiaran.

I shout those two words at him loudly and frequently, amongst other things, such as “I wouldn’t do it like that”, “you lankey bastard” and “quit ya whining”.

But what exactly do I mean when I say “pace yourself”?

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Posted by on 5th June 2012 in Advice, Techniques, Training


Tags: , ,

Kiaran Ponders Sports…

Yeah, that cool tie is mine!

Yeah, that cool tie is mine!

Now some of you may be surprised to hear this, but as well as climbing, I am a regular runner.

I’m even on the school cross-country team, got my commitment tie and everything!

And this has led me to wonder (or ponder) whether or not doing another sport may help your climbing…

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment

Posted by on 31st May 2012 in Climbing


Sponsor ESC for our Relay Everest Climb

Oh yeah, we're gonna climb that shit... sorta.

Oh yeah, we’re gonna climb that shit… sorta.

Mountain Rescue Committee of Scotland
Justgiving Page


Mountain Rescue England and Wales
Justgiving page

Ok, short and sweet:

A beloved member of ESC (Extreme Sports Central), Rob, recently took a fall in Cuillins and was thankfully rescued by the Skye division of Mountain Rescue. He couldn’t stop praising the service in between consciousness (I might have made up the fainting part, but I just imagine Platoon ending theme song when he was being lifted off).

So us ESC members are going to climb 8,848 metres combined, for a share of your hard earn money, if you’re willing to sponsor us.

As we climb all over the country as a group, we feel we should share the donations between the two main branches: Scotland and England & Wales. So please visit the links above and either a) sponsor whichever branch you prefer; or b) try and sponsor the page with less donations to equalise the sponsorship a bit.

Any cash / cheque sponsorsihp raised will go directly to Skye’s branch of Mountain Rescue. Everybody wins.

Leave a comment

Posted by on 10th May 2012 in Climbing


Tags: , , ,

Monkey’s first impression of Boulder Central

Pretty sweet logo there

Pretty sweet logo there

So as mentioned on Facebook, I was supposed to be working on a couple of articles about pacing and the profiling of a couple of athletes. But then Boulder Central completely hijacked my blog’s schedule by opening yesterday, and… well… being a super awesome place that I can’t help but write about it.

So… instead of my making fun of Kiaran in my future pacing article, here’s me, again, trying to talk about a climbing centre in as few words as possible, without going off the tangent again. HA!

Note / Update: This is only a first impression, I’ve a few feedback regarding the centre since writing this article, which I will expand upon when writing the actual review. Of course, it’s unfair to ‘review’ a centre without putting it to some good use first – which I will in the coming weeks :)

Read the rest of this entry »


Posted by on 6th May 2012 in Climbing, Reviews


Tags: , ,